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New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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