his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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