Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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