grandma shit on top of the toilet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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