I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
