She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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