dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
