I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
