Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize