Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
