Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
