there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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