For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
