its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
