walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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