A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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