it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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