My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
