did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
