Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
