Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
