ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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