so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
