My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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