I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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