ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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