dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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