Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
