you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
