either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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