Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
