Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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