I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
