He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
