She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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