This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
