Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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