The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
