It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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