I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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