Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
