I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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