im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
