Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize