Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
