You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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