i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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