A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize