I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
