...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
