Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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