i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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