So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
