well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
