note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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