I hope mine doesn't look like that
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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