Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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