I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
