'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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