Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
